Yes, I am waaaaayyy behind in an update. So here it goes…
Rounds 3 and 4 went as expected. I felt yucky and tired for a week and then I began feeling better the following week. I am now officially finished with Adriamycin and Cytoxan…woohoo!!!

I had somewhat of a struggle prior to starting round 5. I was a bit anxious and overwhelmed with thinking about starting a new chemo.  It was also my halfway mark and I knew I would be starting back to work soon.  I just didn’t know how I was going to handle being a mom, working, and taking chemo.  It all just sounded so overwhelming to me.  You know, sometimes when you are holding in a lot of things and you have a good cry, it all seems to feel better afterwards.  Well, that’s what I did….for a couple of days.  During that time God reminded me that He would continue to be faithful, as He always has been.  He reminded me that He is walking with me…some places along the way He is even picking me up and carrying me.  He is not going to leave my side no matter how difficult I feel things might be.  I struggle and I get consumed by my situation when my thoughts begin to focus on what is going on around me.  Then He gently reminds me that “he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1).  That’s where I want to be…dwelling in His shelter so that I can rest.  God speaks to me many times through music.  I came across a song called “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson.

When I heard it the first time I cried.  It talks about how we have to surrender to what God is doing in our lives in order for Him to make beauty.  I love these lyrics:

“He’s making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in his timing
He’s making diamonds out of us”

God showed me that in the midst of what I feel is a huge mess, He is making diamonds…something so beautiful and precious!!!  It’s in our difficulties that God makes the most treasured things!!

Well, I began a new chemo drug, Taxol, with round 5.  The doctor told me it would be much easier than the other 2 drugs I was taking.  I was certainly looking forward to something easier, however, just like everything else with my treatment….I had to be the exception to the rule.  It wasn’t easier for me, it was extremely difficult.  The chemo made me very tired to the point all I wanted to do was sleep.  I started back to work and had to go home a couple of days to take a nap because I was so exhausted and not feeling well.  It also made my fingernails feel like they were going to come off.  I had extreme pain in my body, especially in my legs.  They stopped giving the Neulasta shot I was taking on Saturdays because the pain this chemo causes along with the pain from the Neulasta is too overwhelming on the body.

So last Sunday I wound up with a fever, which landed me in the ER.  After doing bloodwork, I found out my white blood count was extremely low which was causing a Neutropenic fever.  Therefore, that was my sure ticket to being admitted.  I was in the hospital until Wednesday.  My fever stayed around until Tuesday.  They ran many tests and never truly found the source of the fever, so they just felt it was some sort of virus.  I missed the first week of school and was extremely disappointed that I wasn’t there to meet my class or that I wasn’t able to see my own personal children off on their first day of school.

I was scheduled to get another dose of chemo (round 6) on Thursday, the following day from being released from the hospital.  However, when they checked my bloodcounts, my white blood count was still low.  So, I was not able to get chemo.  When I discussed with my oncologist how difficult this new chemo had been for me, she decided to change my treatment plan.  She feels as though my body just had a difficult time handling the dosage.  I will now be receiving  chemo every week, but at half a dose.  So instead of 3 more doses I will have 6 and finish mid September.

I will be starting back to school this week.  Please pray that I will stay healthy and that this new chemo dosage would be easier on my body.

I am trusting that His plan is much better than my plan…#hesmakingdiamonds

I love you, O Lord, my strength.  Psalm 18:1

xoxo ~ April